Previously on the blog, we’ve discussed ways youth and families can play, rest, and focus on mental wellness during the summer months. As a time with less structure, summer can also be a good time to focus on a youth’s social life. Maybe your child struggles to make friends; maybe your child has plenty of friends, but you wonder if their social skills are where they should be. While many skills important to development are taught explicitly in school, social skills are often learned in less formal ways. Yet forming and maintaining friendships are vital to children’s emotional, social, and physical growth and even to identity formation as they get older. If you want to be more intentional in helping a child find, make, and maintain quality friendships, we have some tips for you.
How to Find Friends
It may seem obvious to say it, but one of the first and most basic steps to making a new friend is finding new people. School is certainly one place children are exposed to peers, but there are ample social outlets otherwise, too. Outside of school, your own neighborhood can be a good place to start, especially if your family is new to an area or hasn’t branched out in that way. Taking walks around the block or complex, attending a local playground, or participating in neighborhood events can all help your child get face time with other kids. You can also help your child get involved in other new communities— e.g., hobbies, sports, clubs, religious groups, or camps—which has the added benefit of helping your kid connect with other kiddos with similar interests.
We wouldn’t be in the year 2026 if I wasn’t also going to suggest some technology to the rescue! Social media, if appropriately managed, can also be a great way to connect. You and/or your child can follow local groups, such as your official city or neighborhood page or groups for hobbies/clubs. These outlets can lead to opportunities for in-person events and meet-ups—with appropriate supervision and safety checks, of course.
Speaking of supervision, we should probably at least briefly address the idea of “online friends.” Going over this topic in depth is probably a blog for another day, but we should acknowledge the wealth of digital access kids have these days as a potential social opportunity. Research shows that having friends online (e.g., social media, gaming, online communities) can boost youth well-being. Also, for some youth with medical conditions, in rural communities, or who homeschool, online socializing may be a main social outlet for them. However, online interactions can also expose youth to both mental health and safety risks, so it’s crucial to guide and monitor these interactions, as well as emphasize the importance of maintaining friendships offline too, as these provide a different type of support.
How to Make Friends
After your child has the opportunity to be around other youth, the next step is establishing connection. Some youth pick up social graces easily and naturally; others may need explicit support. Here are steps you can take:
- Talk to Your Child About Their Social Life – You can learn a lot about what your child needs simply by asking, no matter the Maybe your young child doesn’t understand who is and isn’t their friend. Maybe your teen is painfully aware that they have trouble making friends. Having a conversation helps you assess the situation.
- Regular Contact – “Familiarity builds affinity” is a principle taught in intro psych, also called the mere exposure effect. This effect “describes our tendency to develop preferences for [people] simply because we are familiar with them.” Thus, good friendship building advice might be to “become a regular” Maybe your family can build a routine around a favorite restaurant, library, or park to increase the chances of running into some of the same peers and building connections.
- Coach Basic Social Skills – Socially approaching new people can be awkward for anyone—children and adults alike. But if we break it down, initiating interactions might be as easy as asking to sit with someone new, paying them a compliment, asking them a question about themselves, or discussing a mutual interest. As an adult, you can both model these skills and give your child ideas of how they might approach someone. Depending on their age, you may be able to start with a playdate at home and then branch out to other settings. You can be present as a source of support, shaping situations or helping them troubleshoot when needed, with the intent to fade as they gain confidence.
How to Keep Friends
Making a new friend is an exciting time of exploration; getting to know someone new and delving into common interests is inherently fun. However, the work of maintaining a friendship—through conflict, ebbs and flows, and the general busyness of life—is considerably more challenging. Young children may need help learning basic friendship skills like sharing, taking turns, and regulating emotions. Harvard Health again recommends getting started at home, as the family, siblings, and extended family can all provide safe opportunities for children to learn and practice transferable skills. For older youth, you can build on those early social skills to delve into more nuanced relationship strengtheners like spending quality time with friends, staying curious about others and their lives, resolving conflict, and showing empathy. For all youth who may struggle to keep friends, you might observe and also help them reflect on who makes a good friend for them; it can take some pressure off a youth if they understand not everyone will end up being a BFF. Then, you can support them in putting energy into those other youth who have the potential to become life-long pals.
Conclusion
Cultivating deeper friendships can be a great use of your child’s downtime over the summer. Although the business of making friends can be nuanced and sometimes up to the luck of the draw, there are concrete steps you can take to increase the chances of your child finding connection. Nurturing social skills and community can also help the family lay the groundwork for the increased social demands and transitions (e.g., new teachers, new classmates, grade-level changes) that come up in the fall.
PracticeWise Connect
For more information on how to promote youth social development, consider PracticeWise resources on Social Skills and Communication Skills.
Further Information
Families First Pediatrics: How to Help Your Teen Build Meaningful Relationships in a Digital World
Harvard Health–Helping children make friends: What parents can do
Today’s Parent–How To Talk To Kids About Making Friends Online
AI Disclosure Statement: No artificial intelligence was used in the creation of this post.
Author Bio: Dr. Taylor Thompson is a licensed psychologist and has provided psychological services to youth, young adults, and families for over 20 years. She completed her PhD in Counseling Psychology and School Psychology at Florida State University. She specializes in treating and assessing ADHD, learning disorders, anxiety, depression, autism spectrum disorders, behavioral disorders, and relational concerns. Dr. Thompson is currently the Assistant Dean of the Office of Student Counseling Services at the Florida State University College of Medicine. Learn more about Dr. Thompson on the PracticeWise team page.
